Journey Around The Silver Wheel

Thought for the day

2008-01-13T22:54:08Z

I was sitting here, kind of just letting my mind flow - nothing profound or anyhthing just letting it wander - and it just sort of snuck up on me, that I haven't really been here in a while. Then it occurred to me, between Over time and a dozen other piddly things I haven't been paying attention to really being 'spiritual'.

But then I realized, that even when I wasn't paying attention, I just automatically incuded the goddess and god in my everyday life - from choosing a colour to wear or what earings to just sort of sitting with that silent feeling of sacredness surrounding me, nameless. They're sort of with me in the back of my head all the time, even though I don't even pray much either. Not sure what it means but the fact that I feel just that close to the spiritual in my everyday life has me a bit thunderstruck but also leaves me feeling good too. ^.^V

Article in Circle Magazine on Paganism, Death and Advanced Directives

2007-08-26T19:19:32Z

You know, it's never really occurred to me (at the age of 34) to think about death and one's wish as a pagan. Of course, while it's never occurred to me, it doesn't really slip my attention that life has a way of giving surprise twist and turns. Sadly, as a Pagan living at home to help out financially for a mother who is a 'born again christian,' I doubt very much any wishes that I were to write down or otherwise express would ever be honored.

Honestly, ceremonies and memorials are for the living and once this life cycle has turned, it isn't like I'm going to hang around in spirit yelling 'hey! that's not how I wanted it!' Yet, I also believe even in death, I could do one last thing to help by dontating any and all organs worth salvaging. What remained I'd like cremated and the ashes to let fly on the wind over the sea at either sunset or sunrise. Well, perhaps a small portion of the ash could be put in an urn with either a simple pentacle on on it or the picture of the Goddess and God engraved on it. That's as far as I've really thought about it so far. I suppose if services must be held for the mourning process, it would be done by the individual groups - The Christians could hold their own service and any Pagan friends I have could hold their own services - but there wouldn't be a body. I'd prefer to be remembered for my life and not my death really, for what it's worth. *lol*

To be honest, I've still too much to learn in this lifetime and perhaps even more to do. In other news, the VA has finally (About Time!) approved the pentacle for grave markers. It's nice to know that in the wider world religious freedom is being fought for and upheld. It uplifts me and gives me a brighter hope. At home, it really isn't my place after all and when mom's unhappy she always pulls that card (other wise it's 'our home') so I've tried to keep her happy by hiding away all my things that have to do with my pagan self. My books and what little equipment I accumilated have gone out to the shed or in the back of my car trunk (not that that makes her happy, but it's my car and she has no say there) and out of sight along with any Fantasy or Sci-fi book that 'looks scary' to her because it (she feels) is making her sick. All psychological and self inflicted no doubt but she's mom and I love her regardless. It isn't like she can take what I believe in away from me. In praying I pray to both goddess and god, spiritually my thoughts are of the goddess and god. Nothing can take that from me. I still get the odd "You're not doing your wicca are you?" question from mom every now and then when I'm on my computer. Quite irritating to say the least because it feels as if she's trying to control my activities to her satisfaction, but I do my best not to let it get to me.

Still, it doesn't stop me from feeling the sacred in everyday life either nor does it stop me from learning. I may not participate the way most would (I don't cast circles) but I still feel the ties to the path I've chosen. In mundane matters, I try to find ways to be more environmentally aware as well and I'm still learning and growing. I'll find my way, but for now, I'll take it slowly. If renting weren't beyond my means and if I could be certain mom wouldn't financially suffer, I'd consider moving out (again), but as it stands, that's currently not an option. We shall see what we shall see. :)

Brightest Blessings. ^.^V

Updates

2007-08-19T17:40:04Z

It's been about a year since my last entry here. Much has happened - nothing I will go into here but then again, in part it would take too long. A year is a lot of news to write about. I haven't really done a lot of thinking or meditating spiritually, but I am making, for me, an effort at it. I suppose I've let myself become disheartened due to some home circumstances - a mother whose born again xtian, therefore a very intolerant attitude - and while I still feel the pagan sacred spiritual, I just haven't done a lot of meditating or thinking on it. I just don't want to upset her I suppose. It doesn't stop me from thinking on the Goddess and God of course. A walk at night under the stars, the beautiful colors of the late afternoon sky, a gentle breeze, etc; all of these give me a sense of being close to them both. I will find myself at times, mentally talking to them and thanking them for various and sundry little things as well as big things.

As for active practice, well, that's on hold for now. I won't go into family situation but at this point I just feel it's better to get along rather than rock the boat. A bit of a downer but I survive.

Brightest Blessing to all.

Most Interesting

2006-08-20T06:14:34Z

I just came across this essay: http://ipc.paganearth.com/diaryarticles/bonus/queer/queer5.html
while looking up various and sundry topics on google that interest me. To say the least, I am surprised that any pagan (this includes wicca/witchcraft) tradition would have such narrow views in regards to sexuality. Heh, actually I found this article up when I was looking up information on ancient priests and preistesses in regards to the sacredness of pleasure. I think I also came across information in regards to sacred temple prostitutes who apparently were of both genders. Huh, learn something new everyday, eh? I really didn't think the term prostitue could even apply to a guy - but then I've never really thought about it either, more like an instinctive assumption.

Of course that kind of brings me to a humorous 'what if' question. What if the male and female switched roles with the priest calling and performing the part of the Goddess and the female calling and performing the part of the God? What kind of difference would that really make? Is it just...not thinking outside the 'box'? (in this case traditional thinking) Or what if two of the same gender did both parts in a co-ed coven? :D

Ok, I suppose I'm just curious if the gender thing really matters all that much or if any two people acting as the priest/priestess could perform the rites. I mean solitaries/shamans do all parts of their practice by themselves. So why the narrow view by the so called 'traditional' pagan community? Ancient cultures didn't even have labels for sexuality as sex was just something one had and not an identity as the above mentioned article and some other things I've read have pointed out. (I think a couple of different books I've looked into said something to that effect but it's been a while)

You know, that kind of brings me back to my original topic of research (don't ask me why, I'm not sure how this topic brought it to mind) of how both men and women of the pagan community relate to the male aspect of their religion/belif. How does a woman see and relate to 'God' and how to men see and relate to 'God'? Come to think of it, how about the inter-sexed (aka ambiguous gender) community pagans see and relate to 'God'

There's been a long renissance in espousing on the Goddess and make no mistake, to me She's actually the first one I've had an affinity for after having the 'negative christian/catholic doctrine' shoved down my throat growing up. (to some extent that still happens), but I've gotten more curious over the years about the pagan view of 'God'. I realize views on deity in general has a broad spectrum of views, but there seems to be much more on the Goddess than the God.

I will continue on my research - of course it helps that I've gotten a bit more books here at home to use as reference (A lot on myth, archetypes, etc) that I can look into, but I also love seeing what's out on the web. Sometimes you come across current stuff that are jewels. ^.^

In other news, I just got my package from Strange Brew and I love it - I'm feeling my way through a few things but my inner voice has been nagging me some - and of course, in the long run it'll help me set up the way I want (well, within reason at home at any rate).

I may eventually have to change a few things or at least put more serious thought to it (This has to do with living arrangements more or less, but financially speaking staying where I am currently is the most stable option right now) at a later date if I want my spiritual growth to be a little less restrictive. For now I'll just bide.

You know, at the oddest moments, I'll acutely feel a moment of sacredness - like just now, a loving peaceful calm just swept over me, as if wrapped in a huge, unseen, warm, reassuring, accepting and loving blanket. Something tells me not only am I closer but that things will be ok.

Well, time to go!

Brightest Blessings.

What if.....

2006-08-12T23:58:45Z

I just thought of something interesting. The net has pagan oriented radio stations and digital tv has things for the GLBT community, why not a tv channel (station) for the pagan/witch/wiccan/shamanic/etc community?

They could have things on their that is oriented, tv wise to that particular community. Anmiation and tv programs that have, for instance pagan themes, such as the cartoon W.I.T.C.H. and that one about the last Air Bender. Other examples would be shows like Charmed or similar ones. They could have made for tv movies with pagan themes too and perhaps maybe advice shows that deal with issues such as creating home shrines or alters, family issues such as belief differences, raising pagan families, death and dying from a pagan perspective, being pagan in an urban setting with a rather busy work life, ect. Heck they could even have televised discussion groups on the variety of traditions and beliefs or bringing to light legal issues or discrimination battles or the simple things like herbalism, ecology, tool making, recycling, etc.

Ok so I like to dream big. *lol* But wouldn't it be nice if our community could have something like that? I mean if the GLBT community can have LOGO, why not something for, and I'm using this in the broadest terms, the pagan community? Heck we already have radio, magazines and books, that would be just another step in promoting our freedoms and diversity, wouldn't it? Then again, I really don't know much, this is rather, more or less, just my opinion. :D

I've been thinking long and hard about my own thoghts on deity and spirituality too. I have this mental image of my personal shrine (which I won't put up for a rather good reason - to me - that I won't get into) that I'd like to put up. Though ideally speaking, it'd be in a room of it's own with an area just for the shrine/alter it self. An alter cloth that has both a silver and golden fox on it with one golden fox statue for the god and a silver fox statue for the goddess; an offering bowl in the middle with one black and one white candle on each side; A feather for the element of air and east, A red candle for fire and south, a bowl of water for water and west, and a bowl of salt for earth and north; Also in the middle in back of the offering bowl would be a mirror.....That would be just the shrine, of course, it's kind of my way of combining a little bit of the shinto into it. The rest of the items for the shrine/alter are pretty much standard wiccan/witch/pagan/etc. You know, athame, boline, wand, cauldron, chalice, censer, etc.

I still have a long way to go to be called a practicing anything, but I do my best.

Just some random thoughts

2006-08-09T06:31:57Z

You know, I've never been very vocal in many things, but tonight, it just seemed right to add my voice to the struggle to the issue of placing a pentacle on Sgt. Patrick Stewart's grave stone. I emailed both Senator Boxer and Congress Woman Eshoo. It is only my voice, but I hope it helps even a little. I face personal religious discrimination in the form of my mother, so I know how disheartening that can be. I have to hide my stuff in my own room just to keep mom happy.

I also renewed my contributions to both Witchvox and Circle Sanctuary. In addition I also contributed to Lady Liberty League. It wasn't much but it was what I could afford to give. I hope that too also does some good.

It's interesting that I have a sudden urge to participate a little, it seems that legal issues seem to be the entree for me tonight. Heh, on that note I came across a request from a Toby Nixon on the Witchvox to help with a bill. I don't know much about law, but I think some resources that might help are the books on Pagans and the Law and Kerr Chulain's book for law officers and a few materials and books on proposing a bill. A lot of what he proposes, kind of hooks into Employment laws already among some other ones.....albeit, where Paganism, Wicca and other alternative religous faiths are concerned, not very effective. I suppose some kind of revisions would be welcomed to strenghten the freedoms we as citizens should be able to enjoy or apply. Then again I also think Same sexed marriage should be legal (among other things) too.

I think a key point would be a knowledge of civil and labor laws in general and to build a library of knowledge and examples that can be used to strengthen the point or case to be made. Most likely any type of penalties would be the kinds that are based on civil and labor laws. Well, unless violence is involved, then one has to add criminal law and that is supposed to cover ALL citizens regardless of background.

Meh, I'm tired now, so I guess I'll leave this seriousness, so I can get ready for bed.

Brightest Blessings everyone

Mindlessness

2006-08-06T06:19:54Z

Ok, I was going to do some ranting, but I'm just too tired and drained. And I'm kind of stuck in story idea mode - though it's also sort of amorphorous right now. Just this thought of a story surrounding a menage' or triad relationship. Ok guess I'll go stew some more.

Some Prayers/Chants in the works

2006-08-01T05:05:33Z

#0

Lady of the wisdom cauldron
Lord of enlightenment and learning
Guide my words and writing
That all my prayers, chants, and meditations
Come from the heart
So mote it be

#1

Storm Moon
Bright and full
Bless us with
The rains of life
Let our lives be nourished
Reflecting the budding spring
Let our discipline grow
That we may accomplish
Our desires and needs
Blessed Be

#2

Sister of the Northern Earth
Keep watch and guide
With heart's wisdom
From home and Hearth

Brother of the Eastern Wind
Knowledge travels on thy breath
Keep watch that we may see and hear
The choices of our paths

Sister of the Southern Flame
Burning bright with spirit heat
Keep gleaming watch and light
The journey's way thoroughly

Brother of the Western Water
Strength of love that never falters
Keep watch and refresh and heal
Parched spirits at the end
Of the turning silver wheel

Wandering Thoughts

2006-07-30T06:15:42Z

My thoughts have been wandering around a bit off and on since Thursday night or Friday. A quiz I recently took on the Circle Sanctuary site sort of brought them swiming out again.

See, I have this interest in many things, one of them is not just how Women and Men relate to the Goddess, spiritually, symboically, culturally, etc, - I've this interest in how they relate to the God as well. Although, there's probably more information on Men and that relationship than there is on Women. One source I think is a good start is a book called "The Heroine's Journey".

I'm hoping to eventually find more information on Women and their relation or interaction with male archetypes.

See, to me, The Goddess and God are two parts of the same whole that both includes both genders and at the same time, goes beyond, and are, in turn, represented by a variety of identities. I know, a strange view, but that is how it feels to me. A very comfortable concept for me in fact.

From personal experience, male deity role model has not been the best growing up (considering I was originally raised Catholic), but then from even my earliest memories, I've never really been comfortable with that particular diety concept. Even without really thinking about it, to me, my concept of "God" was very different. But then, I've kind of been the 'equal opportunity' type too, so I not only saw Maiden, Mother, Crone, but also Youth, Father, Elder. They reflect each other and each other's potentials in one another. Well, at least that's the way I see it. Two sides of the same coin that reflects both their similarities and differences - or if eastern thought is less confusing, Yin/Yang.

Which made questions pop up in my head like:

What are some differences and similarities between Male and Female warriors? A warrior can be either gender but do they approach life with the same interpretation of the 'warrior code'? Do they solve things similarly or differently?

I suppose it also depends on culture and upbrining as well, since that can also vary, but are there some universal things that can apply to the concept of 'Warrior'?

Our world is very much a place of labels and interpreted perceptions, as if one can not help but put lables and judgements. Is this something we are taught from birth or is it innately appart of the human makeup?

I believe on many levels, we are all equal in many ways (Scientific argument aside), yet in many ways the majority of us have yet to come to that realization. Hm, come to think of it, perhaps the societal perceptions on the world around them are an obstacle in many other things? Such as views on sexuality or a person's personal and private choice?

Are we so little as to be threatend on whom a person leagally spends the rest of their lives with that we have to make things difficult all around? I'm not just talking about same gender pairings though they are included, but also such things as Poly-Armouric relationships?

Traditional and Alternative - more labels, however entrenchingly accurate. Is there really one 'traditional' way to live? Why can there not be multiple 'traditional' views on life?

Ah, but I've gotten side tracked again - I really would love to find more material out there on Male Dieties and Archetypes and how Women think and feel of them. How they apply to or complement to women in general.

Well, back to my hunting. ^.^V

Short and Quick

2006-07-08T06:00:30Z

I really haven't had anything to say, but then I've also been busy heaping up on the overtime.

I haven't forgotten this place and I haven't given up yet. Oh yeah, I did get the latest Spiral Dance CD and I'm really impressed. I liked it. It had some old favorites mixed in with new songs. I could not pick a favorite.

Well, no real deep epiphanies or light bulbs going off, so I'm going now. Hmm, note to self, don't forget to send something to Son in congratulations on the baby.

Cool WitchVox Logo

2006-03-13T04:21:03Z

Just thought I'd add this to my journal - I really love the logo

First Post

2006-03-12T03:39:26Z

Normally I'm leery about doing 'spiritual on line journals' but well, thinking about it....if I don't step forward in someway, I may just continue to stand still. I am pagan by choice true enough but I have always 'felt' more intune with the Pagan Point Of View. That pathway just felt right to me as no other has. Though it's much more of an inner or spiritual thing rather than the practicle workings. But then I've never felt the need for much in the way of ritual either....perhaps I will work on that. It need not be obvious or fancy (especially since I have come home to help - and currently live with mom again and she's like 'ultra chrisitan') and building and tayloring my sacred space may take time (My room's my sanctuary anyway) but it'll be a true start. In a way, I took that first step a while back but then I stood still. Why? There are lots of factors but I don't really count them as reasons. To be honest I've looked and thought about it, I think I've just always been really reluctant to truly express my inner beliefs, even to myself and ritual has always made me just a bit wary; a hold over from being raised catholic and dragged to church and then bombarded with ritual and what not, I suppose.

In a sense I am starting all over again, re-birthing myself *LOL* And I do have a public magikal name I use most commonly (one that is also one of my on-line handles) Shadowfox- altough on line it's Shadowfox13 since there's a gazillion Shadowfoxes. Why that name? It actually came to me instantaneously early on and I've had a habbit of dreaming about and am partial to foxes. Trickster energy seems to be what I am attracted to, though I can't really say that my personality resembles one - at least not so that I'd notice it, but that kind of energy and personality does fascinate and draw me. Then again Japan (specifically Ancient Japan) and it's culture and language fascinate me too. I suppose that is why I'm also drawn to the Kami called Inari and while I am most definately a female, that fact that Inari can appear as a beautiful woman or an elderly man represents a balance in deity energy to me. I do believe in both god and goddess but also on another level I also see them as two parts to a whole, like yin and yang but on a deity level or two sides of the same coin. That concept just 'feels' right to me. As for specific name, I've never really thought hard about that because I've always seen the different gods and goddess as multifaceted aspects of the same beings and depending on the need in one's life can help influence which facet of the deities one will call on or look up to. I say it this way because I have never gone throught the act of ritual; I will feel the connection to deity in the smallest moments - a moment of quiet contemplation and suddenly I feel connected and loved, looking at the moon shining down and I'll feel this non-verbal communication between me and the universe, driving to work, even with concentrating on driving, there is appreciation of the environment that surrounds me that also suddenly makes me feel connected. It isn't verbal, more just this feeling of connectedness to the whole universe around me, this constant awareness, even at my busiest moments. This doesn't mean I don't need to work on many aspects, I mean life is all about improving, but there is much about me I really do need to work on. It's not just feeling the connection, I should work on acknowledging it more consciously and just be more active in my life rather than passive. I suppose that's why I started this journal as a way to mark my pagan progress, something I could use in part to dedicate to it and as way to sort my thoughts out in regards to this topic in my life. Heh, and maybe I cold find a way to combine elements of Shinto with Wicca/Paganism

That said, Ostara is coming up and I think I am going to find my own unique way of celebrating and paying homage.